18: How To Cancel A Date With The ‘Nice One’
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How To Cancel A Date With The ‘Nice One’
You’ve been on a lovely date with a lovely guy and had a lovely time.
But however lovely it was, he’s just not doing it for you. The problem is, you’ve committed to another date.
How can you cancel a date with the nice one, without coming across as a complete arsehole?
In this episode of The Date with Confidence Podcast, I’m sharing the exact message I send to the lovely men who just aren’t for me. Learn the one thing you need to remember when rejecting someone and steal my script for the next time you need to cancel on someone.
Tune in now to hear:
1. Great First Date: Hear about the lovely first date I had with a genuinely nice guy at the start of the year.
2. Change of Heart: Learn why I had to cancel the second date we had planned and how ultimately, this lead to me deciding not to see him again.
3. Feeling the Guilt: I share why I’ve always felt guilty about cancelling plans in the past and how him paying for the date made me feel like I owed him a second one (even though he wasn’t that type of guy).
4. The Honesty Approach: Discover the honest and respectful approach I take when it comes to cancelling dates or rejecting someone I’m just not into.
5. Respectful Closure: It's crucial to remember that you don't owe anyone anything. Understand that it's okay to change your mind.
6. Positive Responses: I’m revealing how the men I’ve sent this message to have responded when I’ve politely and respectfully said I’m just not into them.
Ultimately, we all date with the goal of finding a genuine connection, and sometimes it just doesn't happen. It's better to be honest early on than to force something that isn't there. So, if you ever find yourself needing to cancel a date with the "nice one," use an upfront and respectful approach – it works! Feel free to use my script if it helps.
How to Cancel a Date With a Nice Guy (Without Feeling Guilty)
That feeling of guilt when you need to cancel a date? Yeah, I know it well. There’s this pressure to follow through just because you said yes, even if deep down you know it’s not right. But here’s the truth: it’s okay to change your mind, and it’s okay to say no to a second (or third) date if the connection just isn’t there.
Welcome back to The Date With Confidence Podcast, a place for dating advice, support, and stories that will either fill you with hope or give you relief that your dating life isn’t that bad. This episode is all about how to politely cancel a date with a nice guy, why it’s important to be upfront, and why you don’t owe anyone anything just because they paid for dinner.
The Story: When I Had to Cancel a Date With the Nice One
At the start of the year, I went on a lovely first date with a guy. He was genuinely nice. We went to this quirky, interactive museum filled with optical illusions and art installations. Afterwards, we grabbed dinner, had great conversation, and overall it was a fun night.
So naturally, we planned a second date.
But life happened. I got a migraine, then we both got busy, and before I knew it, too much time had passed. We weren’t really staying in touch, and I started to get the feeling that the connection just wasn’t strong enough to warrant seeing each other again.
Instead of dragging it out, I decided to be upfront. I sent him this message:
“I’ve been reflecting on our date and whilst I had a great time with you, there isn’t a strong enough connection on my side. I don’t want to mislead you or waste our time. So I think it’s best if we don’t meet for a second date. All the best for the future though.”
Polite. Respectful. Honest.
And that was it. No ghosting, no over-explaining—just clarity.
Why Cancelling Can Feel So Hard
Here’s the thing: even though it was the right call, I still felt guilty.
I’d committed to a second date, and in my head that meant I owed him my time. On top of that, he had paid for our first date, something I hadn’t expected but appreciated. That added another layer of guilt, as though because he’d spent money, I had to give him another chance.
But after sitting with it, I realised something important:
I don’t owe anyone anything
Him paying was his choice, it doesn’t mean I’m indebted to him
Saying yes once doesn’t mean I have to keep saying yes
And honestly, he hadn’t done anything wrong. He was nice. But if I wasn’t prioritising seeing him and didn’t feel a spark, that told me everything I needed to know.
The Guilt Trap: Why We Feel Bad Cancelling Dates
If you’ve ever cancelled a date and felt awful about it, you’re not alone. The guilt usually comes from:
Commitment pressure: You said yes, so you feel locked in
People-pleasing: You don’t want to disappoint someone
Financial guilt: They paid last time, so you feel like you owe them
Fear of being “the bad guy”: You worry cancelling makes you look rude or selfish
But here’s the truth: dating is about finding a genuine connection. You can’t force that, and it’s better to be honest early than waste both of your time.
Why Honesty Is Always Better Than Ghosting
It would have been easy to just go quiet. Stop replying, let the conversation fade out, and avoid the awkwardness. But ghosting is rude, unnecessary, and it leaves the other person confused.
By sending a simple, respectful message, you give them clarity. And nine times out of ten, they’ll respond respectfully back. When I sent that message, I got a kind reply, and that was that.
Here’s the rule: honest + respectful = better outcomes for both of you.
The Copy-and-Paste Message You Can Use
If you struggle with what to say, feel free to steal mine. Honestly, I use it all the time now:
“I’ve been reflecting on our date and whilst I had a great time with you, there isn’t a strong enough connection on my side. I don’t want to mislead you or waste our time. So I think it’s best if we don’t meet for another date. All the best for the future though.”
It’s short, polite, and clear. No fluff, no over-explaining.
And the best part? It saves you from the dreaded ghosting guilt spiral.
Cancelling After the First vs. Third Date
Now, if it’s after one or two dates, keep it short and simple. You don’t owe an essay.
But if you’ve been seeing someone for a while - three, four, or five dates - then you might want to send something a bit more personal. You don’t have to go into detail about every ick, but giving more context shows consideration.
For early-stage dating though? Short and sweet is best.
When I Cancelled Another Date (Because of the Ick)
Around the same time, I cancelled a third date with another guy. Truthfully, I’d had the ick since the first date, but by the second, I knew for sure. It wasn’t going anywhere.
So again, I sent the message.
And you know what? He replied nicely too. That’s the beauty of being upfront, when you respect someone enough to be honest, they usually respond in kind.
Why Respectful Rejection Works
Here’s why it works better to cancel politely than to ghost:
You both save time: No dragging things out when the spark isn’t there
You protect your energy: No guilt, no emotional clutter
They get closure: No wondering why you disappeared
You show respect: It’s just basic decency
Think about it: we’re all dating for the same reason. We want to meet someone we genuinely connect with. That can’t be forced. So why waste time pretending?
Script vs. Ghosting: Which One Feels Better?
Ghosting might feel easier in the moment, but long-term? It feels crappy. You know you left someone hanging.
Using a respectful script, on the other hand, feels good. It’s empowering. It’s you taking ownership of your dating life while treating others kindly.
So next time you’re tempted to ghost, copy-paste the script instead.
The Bottom Line: How to Cancel a Date With a Nice Guy
At the end of the day, cancelling a date doesn’t have to be complicated.
Be honest
Be respectful
Don’t over-explain
Don’t ghost
Remember: you don’t owe anyone anything
It really can be that simple.
Conclusion: It’s Ok to Change Your Mind
If you take one thing away from this post, let it be this: you’re allowed to change your mind. Saying yes to a date doesn’t mean you have to say yes forever.
When the connection isn’t there, cancelling politely is the kindest option for everyone involved. So use the script, save yourself the guilt, and free up space for the connection you really want.
At the end of the day, dating is messy, hilarious, and sometimes downright awkward. But when you handle it with honesty and confidence, you’ll always come out stronger.
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You can contribute your stories to the Date with Confidence Podcast here. Share your best or worst dating stories, your biggest icks, dating tips you think everyone should know or ask me anything about my dating life or a burning question you need an answer for.
About Your Host
Rebecca Hawkes (you can call her Becka) is the host of The Date with Confidence Podcast, your go-to show if you’re tired of dating drama and ready to raise your standards without losing your mind (or your sense of humour).
After being blindsided by a breakup at 29, Becka turned her “WTF is happening with my life” moment into a journey of self-growth, self-worth, and a mission to help other 30-somethings stop settling. Now, she shares how to date with confidence, trust your intuition, and attract the kind of love that actually feels good.
Becka isn’t here for generic dating advice, she’s here to bring you the real, raw, and funny truths about modern dating. Expect practical tools, mindset shifts, and the occasional rant that’ll leave you feeling like you’ve just had wine with your best mate.
Want more? Sign up for her BTS with Becka newsletter here.
