16: Sex On The Third Date?! Dating Rules You Need To Ditch Now
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Sex On The Third Date?! Dating Rules You Need To Ditch Now
Should you have sex on the third date?
Should the guy pay for everything on a first date?
Should you really be waiting for hours before responding to a message from them?
And, is it an absolute no no to talk about your exes on a first date?
In this episode of The Date with Confidence Podcast, we're diving into the world of dating rules and why it's time to ditch them for good.
Tune in now to hear:
1. The Pressure to Have Sex on a Third Date: Remember the old dating rule about having sex on the third date? Well, I say it's time to ditch that expectation. It's okay to take your time and build an emotional connection before anything physical.
2. Who Pays on a First Date: While it's great when your date picks up the check, let's not make it an expectation. I appreciate it for sure, but I'm down for equality and sometimes prefer to split the bill. It's about finding a balance that works for both parties.
3. Stop the Texting Mind Games: Why wait for hours to respond to a message? Let's be real, playing these games doesn't lead to healthy relationships.
4. Talking About Exes on a First Date: Contrary to the old advice, I find it healthy to discuss past relationships on a date. It helps you understand your potential partner's expectations and deal-breakers, making it easier to decide if you're compatible.
5. Authenticity is Key: Don't try to be your best self, try to be your true self. Being authentic on your dates is crucial. It allows both you and your date to form a genuine connection and know if you're compatible from the start.
So, let's ditch those outdated dating rules and embrace a more authentic and open approach to dating. Remember, it's about finding the right connection, not following a set of rigid rules.
Ditch the Dating Rules: Why You Don’t Need to Follow “Third Date” Myths
When I was younger, especially in my twenties, I remember this whole idea around the third date rule. If you made it to date three, that’s when you were expected to have sex. That was just “the thing.” It was in movies, in TV shows like Sex and the City, and it became ingrained in how we thought dating should look.
But here’s the thing: dating rules are bullshit. They create unnecessary pressure, stop you from being your authentic self, and often lead you into relationships that aren’t actually right for you.
In this episode of The Date with Confidence Podcast, I’m breaking down why it’s time to ditch the dating rules - whether it’s sex, money, texting, or even ex-talk - and how showing up as yourself will always lead you to better connections.
Why the “Third Date Rule” Doesn’t Work Anymore
Back in my twenties, dating was led by lust. I didn’t necessarily want to have sex straight away, but kissing on the first date? Hooking up quickly? Absolutely. Physical chemistry was the driving force.
Now, after nearly four years single and a whole lot of self-work, I couldn’t imagine rushing into sex by the third date. Not because I think there’s anything wrong with it if that’s what you want, but because my priorities have completely shifted.
I’m dating intentionally. I know what I want. I know what I deserve. And for me, forming an emotional connection before a physical one is way more important.
Here’s the thing:
If casual sex is what you want, go for it
If waiting six dates feels right, that’s fine too
If you don’t kiss someone until the fifth date, it doesn’t mean the connection isn’t there
There is no “right” timeline. There’s only your timeline.
Should the Guy Always Pay?
Another common rule: the guy should always pay.
I’ll be honest with you, I find it attractive when a guy pays, especially when it’s not expected. It shows generosity and thoughtfulness. But do I expect it? No.
Because here’s the truth: if dating is a preview of what a relationship could look like, I don’t want mine to be built on the expectation that the man always covers everything. I like equality. I like splitting the bill sometimes. And I definitely don’t want someone to feel obligated to pay if we both know there won’t be another date.
So yes, it’s lovely when someone offers, but the rule? Outdated.
The Truth About Waiting to Text Back
Let’s talk texting.
A guy once told me about a “game” women play where they deliberately wait hours to reply just to see how he’ll react. And apparently, this is a “strategy.”
To me, that just screams game-playing. And I’m not interested.
In my twenties, I loved the chase. I loved the hot-and-cold, the challenge, the back-and-forth. But now? I want something healthy. If I see a message and I want to reply, I’ll reply. If I’m busy, I’ll get back to them when I can. No strategy, no test, no drama.
Because here’s the reality:
If someone likes you, they’ll be glad to hear from you
If they’re turned off by a quick response, they’re not your person
Playing games only creates uncertainty, not connection
Is It Wrong to Talk About Exes on a Date?
This one divides people: should you talk about your ex on a date?
For me, the answer is yes - and I actually think it’s healthy.
Here’s why: talking about past relationships helps you understand someone’s values, expectations, and red flags early on.
For example:
If I share that my ex used to stay out all night without telling me where he was, and the guy I’m dating thinks that’s totally fine? We’re not compatible.
If I talk about my need for reassurance and he dismisses it? We’re not going to work.
These conversations aren’t about dragging baggage into new relationships—they’re about being open and honest so you can spot alignment (or misalignment) before wasting months of your time.
And honestly, sharing your past is part of being vulnerable. Yes, it can feel scary. Yes, it creates space for rejection. But that’s the risk you take when you want genuine connection.
Why Attraction Builds Differently in Your 30s
I’ve noticed something interesting since I’ve been back in the dating game.
I’ve been seeing a guy recently who I found attractive from the start, but the more I get to know him, the more attractive he becomes. Not because of his looks, but because of his mind, his communication, and the way we connect emotionally.
That never used to happen in my twenties. Back then, physical attraction came first, and emotional connection (maybe) came later. But that often led me into unhealthy dynamics because I was so blinded by chemistry.
Now? I want both, but I want emotional attraction to lead.
Stop Showing Up as Your “Best Self”
Another dating rule worth ditching: always show up as your best self.
So many people put on a mask during the dating stage. They try to be who they think the other person wants, keeping things light and polished so they don’t scare anyone off.
But here’s the problem: when the mask eventually slips, the connection you built isn’t real.
I’ve made a conscious choice not to do this anymore. I don’t try to be the “cool girl.” I don’t hide parts of myself to seem more attractive. I show up as me: open, honest, and vulnerable.
And you know what? That’s what creates real compatibility. Because if someone doesn’t like the real me, they were never meant to be mine anyway.
Why You Should Ditch the Dating Rules Altogether
So let’s put it all together:
Sex doesn’t have a timeline
Paying for dates isn’t one-sided
Texting games are exhausting
Talking about exes can be healthy
Pretending to be your “best self” only delays authenticity
The truth is, there are no universal rules when it comes to dating. The only “rule” is this: show up as yourself.
When you do, you invite the other person to do the same. And if they don’t like who you are? That’s actually a blessing, because it saves you time, energy, and heartache.
Final Thoughts: Build Confidence, Not Rules
Dating doesn’t need to feel like a test you’re constantly failing. You don’t have to tick boxes by date three, play hard to get, or keep quiet about your past.
You just need confidence—the confidence to show up as your true self, raise your standards, and trust that the right person will love you for exactly who you are.
So next time you’re on a date, ditch the rules. Kiss if you want to, wait if you don’t. Talk about what matters. Pay how you want to. Reply when you feel like it. And most importantly, stop trying to play the “perfect version” of yourself.
Because the best relationships don’t come from following rules. They come from being real.
Send me your dating dilemma
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Send me your dating dilemma 〰️
You can contribute your stories to the Date with Confidence Podcast here. Share your best or worst dating stories, your biggest icks, dating tips you think everyone should know or ask me anything about my dating life or a burning question you need an answer for.
About Your Host
Rebecca Hawkes (you can call her Becka) is the host of The Date with Confidence Podcast, your go-to show if you’re tired of dating drama and ready to raise your standards without losing your mind (or your sense of humour).
After being blindsided by a breakup at 29, Becka turned her “WTF is happening with my life” moment into a journey of self-growth, self-worth, and a mission to help other 30-somethings stop settling. Now, she shares how to date with confidence, trust your intuition, and attract the kind of love that actually feels good.
Becka isn’t here for generic dating advice, she’s here to bring you the real, raw, and funny truths about modern dating. Expect practical tools, mindset shifts, and the occasional rant that’ll leave you feeling like you’ve just had wine with your best mate.
Want more? Sign up for her BTS with Becka newsletter here.
